Help Me
by acciostelenafanfiction
Summary: one-shot (but i might add more...) that is kinda sorta A/U. Elena's brother has just died and Stefan Salvator has just moved to town - the only person who understands Elena, and the only person who gets Elena. But as Stefan decides that he needs to leave, Elena is left alone again.


Elena sped out of her history class and fast walked to the library. Elena, of course, wasn't headed for the library for peace and quiet. She was looking for Stefan. The idea of him was the only thing that was light in her life. He made her happy and he gave her hope. Everything else was dark, like all the other parts of her life died with her brother. Jeremy was the only family and close friend left. There was Caroline but she only seemed to be good for shopping and gossip. Of course there was Bonnie, but she didn't understand. Somehow Stefan seemed to understand what she was going through, yet he was still so mystical. He seemed to know all about her, without her telling him anything, but she didn't know anything about him. She never showed it though. Elena was still in the deep depression after the loss of Jeremy, and not even friends could get her out. Today was the first day in a while that she had actually had wanted something. She actually felt pressure in her chest to tell him what had been on her mind since they had met. It was her last chance.

After almost running down some freshmen, Elena found him, sitting right where she expected him to be sitting, writing in that old book he always seemed to be writing in. Elena respected his writing, she also had a journal before her brother died. After Jeremy's death, nothing seemed fun anymore. She was never hungry, never wanted to talk, never wanted to see people. Writing down her stupid classic teenager thoughts seemed like a waste of time and only made her think of what was gone.

She walked right up to him. He looked up, surprised to see her, and opened his mouth to speak but was cut off.

"You know, when my brother-" Elena could feel her emotions getting caught in her throat- "died, the hardest part was that I didn't have any hope that there was a heaven, or _another side_, or anything more than a rotting body in the ground. I just felt like heaven is what you believe in because that's what is easy. It's hard to think that the person you love is just gone like that. But when you really think about it, isn't that the only thing that makes sense?"

Stefan just stared at her. He was lost in what Elena was saying, mostly though because this was the most she had said in one time since they had met six months ago in september. Elena couldn't believe what she was saying, and her voice started rising. She wanted to stop speaking but couldn't.

"But the other day I went to his gravestone. And I looked up because in my foolish, screwed up mind I thought that maybe he would appear like in some stupid movie, because _he_ is the person I needed to get through losing him. But instead of seeing him, I saw the moon, and I saw the stars... and I got a little bit of hope. You know? Maybe Jeremy is somewhere out there. Maybe he is on one of those billions of stars."

A weight lifted off of Elena's chest, but Stefan wasn't responding, rather just staring at her. The awkward but meaningful silence was long lasting, and Elena, out of breath from her speech, didn't dare look at Stefan. She wasn't done.

"There's something about you. I was always a cutesy girl who didn't think of anything more than her suburban boyfriend neighbor, boring suburban school, and boring suburban lifestyle, believing that I was somehow remotely important to the grand scheme of things. I was that girl who sat in her room trying on her new clothes and gossiping with her friends who didn't really give a shit about her. But there's something about you that didn't make me that girl. You made me feel comfortable and didn't make me feel the hatred of who I was and the hatred that I associate with life before his death. And I never hated life with my brother, but when he died and I didn't see the light anymore, that's all I wanted - a life with my brother. That wanting turned to hate, and you are what took me out of my hate."

Stefan still just stared at her. Frustrated, Elena looked into his eyes. Realizing what she had just said, she could feel tears burning from behind her eyes, and immediately felt embarrassed. _Oh my God. Why would you say something like that!_ Hating herself even more, turned to leave, turned back, and sputtered, "I don't even know why I'm talking. I hate myself and I hate who I am. I hate that my brother died and I hate that I don't have faith. I hate that I only see the sad part of my life, and I hate that I love that you take me away from my hate. I hate that I found a friend, and I hate myself for hating that you rescued me. I know that you are leaving tomorrow, and I know that when you leave, that light will be gone again, so I just needed to tell you that because, I don't know, you just, just help me more than you think."

Elena gave up trying to hold back tears and let one quietly roll down her cheek.

Stefan stood up now, his bright green eyes still focused on her. His face changed from surprised to concerned. Elena was mortified. Now he would pity her. She was tired of empty pity from all of those people who thought they could help her. Stefan had been the only person who didn't pity her, but she just screwed that up too. She could feel her cheeks turning red and her fingers were numb. She grabbed her bag and ran out.

Running after her, Stefan caught up to her without breaking a sweat, like he had popped out of no where. Elena was crying now, but the tears fell silently, and she didn't notice. He startled her, but she knew she wanted him to follow her. He grabbed her by the shoulders and kissed her right there in the hallway.

Elena broke away, surprised, but not in a bad way. He searched her eyes for a reaction. She leaned her face upwards to him and looked back into his eyes, reaching for another kiss. Their second kiss what different. They both understood each other and they both felt the same thing. That is what the kiss had conveyed.

"Elena. I am so sorry. I know what you are going through, and I know that saying that doesn't make it any better. I know what it is like to feel pitied and I know how you must feel. Don't under-appreciate feelings, Elena. Promise me. They are what make you, even if they are bad. Your feelings make you strong, and your strength will get you through it. Your life might suck right now, but let it sink in." Elena paused, absorbing what he was telling her. She could feel the sincerity and genuine care in his voice, but all she could do was hug him, and continue to cry her silent tears.

"Don't leave me" She whispered. Stefan had told her that he needed to leave, but didn't give her a reason. He knew that he was falling into another trap that he had fallen into once before, and he couldn't do it again - probably couldn't survive it again. Wondering and wondering he could not let himself go down another road of love with the ... same girl. And most of all, he was almost positive he could not keep his secret in much longer, and if he let it out, there would be no going back. He couldn't tell, especially with the history in Mystic Falls and its association with vampires.

He hugged her and felt her body shaking. He wanted to stay with her and wanted to continue to help her.


End file.
